Betrayed and feeling Better than Ever! My Life 02 APR 2007

Goodbye PookieSafely ignore post {0017}, it turns out that it wasnt as awesome a night as I suspected. I know I enjoyed myself tremendously – I just didnt know my girl had decided to enjoy it even more with another guy. Wonderful. She ducked me this weekend, deciding to only contact me on Saturday evening saying she needed to talk to me. As past history goes, this usually means she rationalises her decision to split, breaks up with me and then comes sobbing back into my arms 3 or 4 days later. So, being completely used to this behaviour, I patiently awaited her arrival before going to work in terms of rationalising her arguments for her and making her feel bad.

That was of course until I learned about the severity of her betrayal to me. To cheat on me with another guy (in the very physical sense of the word don’t ask, mental images are hard enough to deal with for me as it is). Ouch. Shes stabbed me in the heart quite a few times over the last 3 years 7 months that wed been going out shed just never twisted the knife this hard.

Ill be honest that it came out of the blue and was a complete and utter nasty shock to my system. Yes, she hadnt been as loving and intimate with me over the last couple of months as she used to be, but I put it down to the maturity of our relationship. 3 years is a long time and this was the girl I wanted to settle down and grow old with. I gave my everything to this girl, made many sacrifices for her and stood beside despite all her problems and emotional baggage. I cheered her on and celebrated with her any and all her achievements, no matter how small or inconsequential they might have been. I enjoyed being with her and cared for her very much. In short, I LOVED her.

But youll notice how I say that in the past tense. When she confessed to this act of infidelity to me, I was absolutely stunned. I was disappointed in her, amazed at her hypocrisy and very very angry at both her and the guy she cheated on me with. I was in pain for being betrayed and yet I was NOT sad, just annoyed.

Nor did I miss her when I told her to leave my flat. I went out by myself, had a good nights rest. Sunday I played some squash, chatted with a friend, slept a little, played video games and walked up Lions Head – without missing her or even thinking about her. Strange isnt it? After thinking about it, I’ve come to the conclusion that all the emotional pain she put me through the past basically meant that it was so much easier for me to let her go. She phoned me on Sunday evening to apologise once more. I had a nice relaxed conversation with her, telling jokes and being my normal silly self.

It would seem that I’ve already forgiven her in my heart and am more than willing to stay friends with her. But Ill never take her back in terms of a relationship again. I don’t need to be betrayed like that. Mistake or not, the damage was done and as I always say, sorry is never enough. And this betrayal is not something that can ever be made right.

So, to sum it all up, I’m really sorry it had to end this way. I had a great time while it lasted. It had its bad moments, but the majority of it was good. But I thank you for freeing me of all your problems and emotional baggage that you carry around with you. Good luck with the rest of your life and I hope you do well. Id like to remain friends if you can build up the courage to face me in person.

But make no mistake, I haven’t been this happy or so free in a long time I feel great and I’m absolutely LOVING it! :)

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About Craig Lotter

South African software architect and developer at Touchwork. Husband to a cupcake baker and father to two little girls. I don't have time for myself any more.