Wednesday saw Kyle spend most of the day with Tracy busy cleaning out his office. He hordes all the software, licences and documentation and Wednesday saw him decide that enough is enough, it is time for a Spring Clean – which he (and Tracy) then dutifully did.
Whilst I ignored the mess and noise for most of the day, a fairly cringe-worthy item did in fact make its appearance out of his drawers. My 2001 application (with CV) for the position of Web assistant.
Oh my goodness, I have never seen a more unprofessional bit of work from myself before! So common! From the rounded Cartoon font to the hand-drawn caricature in the top right-hand corner, this thing reeks of amateurism. Okay, 2001 is six or so years ago and I was a spritely 21 back then, but man, didn’t I have more of a sense of style?
For your enjoyment, some terrible excerpts from the cover letter and the CV itself:
I am a creator, a thinker, a writer, an innovator, but most of all, I am an individual.
I think that perhaps that is the phrase that describes me best. I believe in diversity and am as such always looking to broaden my base of knowledge. A person is as strong as their experiences and I want to experience the world. I don’t believe in following what others do, but instead prefer to do things my way. I am and will always be an individual. This Curriculum Vitae is written to tell you more about me, but it is also a tool to help me experience more of the world.
Terrible, I know. Here’s yet another nice idealistic piece:
The reason for me wanting to apply for this position is a simple one. It offers me the chance to work within a team environment on a project that has real impact.
Whilst projects set for course evaluation allow for technical achievements, the projects themselves have no impact on other people. The experience of doing something that will affect the real world will allow me to achieve a whole new level in the study of Human-Computer interactions. I stand to learn more about the way that people interact with the information presented to them on these web-sites. Also, the team environment will go well towards preparing me to work in the outside world once I have graduated.
In return, you gain my knowledge, skills and time, all which can be put to good use in the upkeep of the faculties web-sites. I am a hard worker, but more importantly I am a diligent worker. I set high standards for my work and myself. I do not believe in creating inferior products because the time taken to repair mistakes far outweighs the time taken to produce a perfect product in the first place.
Hmm, looking back at this now, thank goodness my skills were enough to get me the job because damn, if I didn’t have them then this piece of crap would never have landed me the position.
But I guess it did stand out from the rest and it did land me the job, so maybe I should lambast it too badly. Besides, I’m still here aren’t I? :)