Lies and Relationships General Nonsense 21 OCT 2007

Candy LipsI’ve always felt that relationships are founded on trust, honesty, mutual respect and love and therefore it is no wonder that I am so against lies in a relationship. Look, I’m not talking about those little white lies told in order to conceal a surprise for your loved one, that counts as okay in my book (Murphys Law will always dictate that your partner will phone you out of the blue the minute you step into a shop in order to by them a surprise gift. Its a given, you can count on it). However, those putting those lies aside, the rest of the untruths, no matter how big or small all do count… and not in your favour.

The minute you feel the need to start lying to you partner, the minute your troubles begin and no matter how big, small or inconsequential the lie is, you have just eroded one of the pillars of your relationship. Should she ever find out about the lie, then the negative impact it will have on your relationship far outweighs whatever you were trying to hide from her in the first place.

Think about it. How have you reacted when you learned that you were lied to by your partner? An immediate feeling of resentment washes over you, followed quickly by a distrust of anything your partner says. You start to question everything youve ever heard from them and that questioning immediately eats away at the trust pillar of the relationship. A worse knock-on effect of this is that you then feel justified in lying to your partner, which obviously knocks at the honesty and respect posts.

Eventually the lies become less and less innocent, larger in scale and may very well one day become so large that the relationship itself becomes a lie. And lies never disappear. They will always hang over your head, ready to haunt you at the drop of a hat. People and events you might have lied about in the past have a habit of popping up at the most inappropriate of times, of that you can be certain. And the longer you maintain a lie, the more disastrous the consequences should it ever come out in the open. These are the types of lies that your partner will hold over you for the duration of the relationship (should it last much longer anyway).

No matter what people say, it is impossible to forget, almost as it is impossible to truly forgive (obviously a severe case of amnesia voids this line). So when you start lying in your relationship or it comes out that your partner has lied to you in the past, be prepared to accept the inevitable your relationship is in for a rocky time ahead!

And before anyone asks, no, this piece has got nothing to do with my current relationship with Chantelle, which is running as smoothly as a kitten on a polished tile. Instead, it is a small reflection about my previous relationship and things that I learned from it. Relationships, whether failed or successful are great source of learning experiences.

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About Craig Lotter

South African software architect and developer at Touchwork. Husband to a cupcake baker and father to two little girls. I don't have time for myself any more.