Where I Want to Be My Life 20 DEC 2007

Bride GroomI can’t help but feel jealous when I look back at Dean and Zania’s marriage or Claire and Riley’s upcoming wedding. Funnily enough, when I was a couple of years younger, marriage was the last thing on my mind. In fact, I pretty much proclaimed that my long term plan was only to get married when I’m 40!

However, much has changed these last couple of years and my view on marriage has softened considerably, so much so that it is something I almost crave for nowadays. When I look back over my relatively short life, see the missed opportunities and the wasted talent, I can’t help but be sad at the lack of achievements in my life. I am almost 30 and have nothing to show for all that time spent here on Earth.

One of those things that every person should experience in life, nay it is a lifelong commitment as far as I’m concerned, is marriage – the absolute joy, bliss and shelter that comes from having a lifelong partner who shares your life, your hopes and your dreams. No longer alone, the two of you truly do become one unit, experiencing all that life has to offer together. Of course no such union is ever without problems, but regardless of what sticking points do arise, the fact remains that the union is still present.

And I am missing that in my life. It is funny, but over the last couple of years this desire for completeness slowly grew within me and I can only put it down to human instinct. Man was never intended to live a life of solitude. If that was so, then Women would never have existed. I think that everyone, regardless of their ideals or beliefs, innately needs someone to share their life with. It is almost as if this need for intimate companionship has been hardwired into our very psyches.

So I can’t help but be jealous at the people who have found their partner and gone ahead with the next step, taking their relationship to the highest peak that it can reach. However, I know that I will take this step when it feels right and all my fears and hesitations are quelled and dealt with. Regardless of how much I want this, I know the magnitude of what is being promised and such a promise must never be taken lightly.

I will bide my time, paving the road carefully, diligently and without error, before my moment does eventually arrive, but when it does it will be sure, steady and built on a solid rock foundation.

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About Craig Lotter

South African software architect and developer at Touchwork. Husband to a cupcake baker and father to two little girls. I don't have time for myself any more.