Eyes Forward General Nonsense | Jokes & other Funny Stuff 12 FEB 2008

UrinalThis fun little news article was published a little earlier on IOL News:

Wellington – A New Zealander ended up in court after punching a man over a breach of urinal etiquette.

Edward Aldridge, 47, punched his victim twice after he used the urinal next to him in a pub in Christchurch. Aldridge accused his victim of looking at him, reports Metro.

Speaking in his defence, Counsel Liz Bulger said: “This incident arose from what I understand to be urinal etiquette. When the victim spoke to the defendant he was effectively smirking. The defendant was outraged.”

Sentencing Aldridge to 50 hours of community service, Judge Raoul Neave said: “This is exactly the sort of behaviour that makes people afraid to go to town.”

As silly as this article sounds to you female readers out there, there is in fact an unspoken urinal etiquette that applies across the world to every male apart from Nigerians and other Africans who generally have no concept of personal space in the first place.

You always head to the urinals on the side or second from last first. If there are other urinals open, you never approach a urinal directly next to another one that is currently in use. If you are forced to use a urinal next to one that is currently in use, you may not look at the person next to you. You are to face the front and continue facing forward for the duration of your business. You man never, repeat never, look towards another man’s crotch. You may also not strike up any conversation whatsoever while using the urinal. When finishing, no vigorous shaking of your appendage is allowed. Splash fallout is not tolerated will likely be punished by a swift beating from other patrons.

So you see, it is quite a strict and specific code we men follow and I can understand the defendant’s actions towards the offending ‘smirker’. So while Mr Edward Aldrige might not have the best tools available to him, at least he is good with his hands!

And as a little extra to this random entry, I’ve decided to show you what is currently considered ‘hot’ in public restroom design: wall art.

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About Craig Lotter

South African software architect and developer at Touchwork. Husband to a cupcake baker and father to two little girls. I don't have time for myself any more.