An Insight Into the Mind of Man Jokes & other Funny Stuff 17 FEB 2008

Blue SteelWomen are from Venus and men are… well men probably wish they could come from the planet that rhymes with their favourite tool instead. Mars only tentatively rhymes with arse you know.

So compiled below are some scattered thoughts pulled directly from men in order to give the wider world population an idea of how this strange and experimental creature thinks and behaves.

  • When I was born, I got a choice – A big dick or a good memory. I can’t remember, what I chose.
  • Your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory.
  • A wife is a sex object. Every time you ask for sex, she objects.
  • Impotence: Nature’s way of saying “No hard feelings…”
  • There are only two four letter words that are offensive to men – “don’t” and “stop”, unless they are used together.
  • Panties: Not the best thing on earth, but next to best thing on earth.
  • There are three stages of sex in a man’s life: Tri Weekly, Try Weekly, and Try Weakly.
  • Virginity can be cured.
  • Virginity is not dignity, it’s lack of opportunity.
  • Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don’t have a good partner, you’d better have a good hand.
  • I tried phone sex once, but the holes in the dialer were too small.
  • Marriage is the only war where you get to sleep with the enemy.
  • Q: What’s an Australian kiss? A: The same thing as a French kiss, only down under.
  • A couple just married were happy with the whole thing. He was happy with the Hole and she was happy with the Thing……
  • Q: What are the three biggest tragedies in a mans life? A: Life sucks, job sucks, and the wife doesn’t.
  • Q: Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact ? A: Breasts don’t have eyes.
  • Despite the old saying, “Don’t take your troubles to bed”, many men still sleep with their wives !!!

So there you have it then. Just a little more insight into the psyche that is man :)

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About Craig Lotter

South African software architect and developer at Touchwork. Husband to a cupcake baker and father to two little girls. I don't have time for myself any more.