Shoot Left! My Life 18 MAR 2008

JeremyLast night marked the final FIFA foursome featuring KJ versus RC, well at least for the time being as my flat has now steadily regressed to a point where basically there is nothing there besides a bed, table, TV and fridge and by the end of next week I’ll be sipping champagne on the beaches of Gordon’s Bay (when the police aren’t watching of course!), far removed from the confines of steadfast old Bellville.

The invite had gone out on late Friday afternoon, but eager beavers as they always are, Karl, Jeremy and Ryan all responded positively and come last night at 19:30, all four footballers were once more assembled, squatting all over my lounge. That said, we were almost a member short when in an attempt to get out of the evening’s fixture, Karl splashed some particularly nasty chemicals on his face during a lab experiment gone wrong, causing us all undue panic and despair. Luckily it would seem that Karl is too tough a cookie for just any chemicals to permanently damage his eyes and as such he was present and counted for, even though he would periodically rub his eyes, call his sight blurry and blame his Masters students for robbing him of yet another goal when he shot straight at the keeper – again.

Actually despite their small handicap (Karl’s eyes, not his shooting ability. Wait, maybe his shooting ability too), Jeremy and Karl were on song, managing to put most of the games close to 50-50% possession and bringing down the number of shots at goal that Ryan and I were able to pull off quite substantially. Heck, they even managed to open the evening’s proceedings by forcing a draw!

Unfortunately though that is pretty much where it ended and they seemed unable to go any further. Apart from that first draw, Ryan and I completely dominated the rest of the proceedings, easily winning game after game with a variety of well worked goals that Ryan didn’t hesitate to put in the back of the net. For some strange reason my playmaker skills were on fire last night, setting up goal after goal opportunity for Ryan to pounce on. And although I didn’t put as many in the back of the net as what Ryan did, I did score some sublime free kick goals that were more than enough to make the night a success for me. Of course, I do feel that I have to mention one particular hiding specifically where we had them by the short and curlies so bad that we were forced to abandon the game at 6-0 just to keep them from leaving for good!

Despite their dastardly tactics of trying to put me off by diverting my attention with tons of small talk, switching from England to another team and Jeremy sneakily moving the chips ever closer to me, Ryan and I managed to hold on and once more beat their pants off by the time the night’s festivities had ended – sorry guys, better luck next time! Though if I look at the number of empty packets of chips and cooldrink strewn around the flat, I am not exactly sure just who the eventual loser of the evening was…

Oh, and as an extra little warm-up bonus to the night’s activities, I also managed to get them all limbered up before the big game by getting them to help me take down a big rack box in the lounge! Thankfully we managed this without putting anyone’s eye out or dropping it on anybody’s foot. I think.

So that is that and FIFA Foursomes at 706 Antoon Benning are now officially closed. Hopefully we’ll organise a new venue in the future because as Jeremy puts it, this has been quite a fun way to de-stress in the evenings and have a good excuse to chow as many chips as a person’s stomach can hold!

About Craig Lotter

South African software architect and developer at Touchwork. Husband to a cupcake baker and father to two little girls. I don't have time for myself any more.