Projectile Terror General Nonsense 08 APR 2008

HedgehogFor years man has taken a perverse liking to killing, hurting and maiming mammals and other small creatures from a distance, probably because it felt far safer to toss a spear from a distance at that tasty looking wooly mammoth instead of standing underneath it and trying to cut out a little juicy piece of steak. Spears, rocks and arrows are pretty much the normally accepted projectiles of war and hunting, though they have now obviously been replaced with their more modern counterpart, the bullet.

Of course, man has also sometimes strayed from this commonly accepted array of projectile weapons, instead choosing to go for slightly altered ranged weaponry, like that of the ridiculous boomerang that proved highly effective against kangaroos and birds but only if you could throw the damn thing without catching yourself on the back of the head. And then some islanders thought up the idea of using a yo-yo to try and knock some sense into their fellow countrymen from a distance.

But the latest development in ranged weaponry must surely take the cake.

This week in New Zealand a man was charged for assault – with a hedgehog. Apparently this bloke was being needled by some uncouth youth, so he picked up a furry little blighter and hurled it at the teen, hitting him in the leg and causing a red welt with a number of puncture wounds. Unfortunately the prickly little weapon of war didn’t survive the throw but fortunately the thrower was taken into custody.

I wonder if the police asked him to put his hands up and step away from the hedgehog?

Perhaps next time the suspect should try lobbying a porcupine at his victim – their quills are far more deadly. Surely then they would get the point!

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About Craig Lotter

South African software architect and developer at Touchwork. Husband to a cupcake baker and father to two little girls. I don't have time for myself any more.