Letting Go General Nonsense 03 MAY 2008

Letting GoI got an interesting contact through this blog the other day in the form of a girl asking about information surrounding the time when I still worked at California Pizza kitchen, way back in 1998-2000. It turns out that she’s the girl that moved in with Warwick (the then owner) before he died of a drug overdose in late 1999 (more or less. Those dates sound about right to me). The thing is, they had a bit of a breakup before he passed away, and thanks to that, she was kept completely out of the loop with regards to the time and events following his death.

Now this is a girl that moved out of home and into the house of a much older man at the young age of 19, so you know things aren’t necessarily all that alright with her but from conversing with her via email she seems like a nice enough person. Despite that though, you can immediately pick up that she is not all that well adjusted and seems a little bit on the fragile side in terms of psyche.

The question that I have to ask is how a person can hold on so tightly to an incident that happened 10 or so years ago, so much so that it interferes with their life today. This girl blames herself for Warwick’s death or at least that she was a contributing factor in it and that feeling seemingly won’t go away and continuously haunts her, even after all this time that has passed in the meantime. She still holds onto the items that he bought for her way back when and fondly remembers him, even though he has been gone for so long.

Surely a person can let go of something given enough time? Or is that only myself thinking? Remember, I am the kind of person who can’t stand weak people and who can’t stand people who are unable to overcome their own emotional baggage. I have no sympathy for people with suicidal tendencies nor do I have the time of day for anyone who battles with an addiction. If you are not strong enough to battle with your own demons then that is your problem. I do not have any sympathy for you. It is up to you to overcome your environmental and internal factors that rule your life and you are weak if you are unable to do even that.

So am I wrong in saying that this girl should have let go of this matter years ago and moved on with her life? She is desperately seeking his grave or final resting place so that she can go and say her goodbyes, and this matter seems to be of paramount importance to her. And therein lies the problem – I could probably understand that she wants to know where he was laid to rest, but I can’t understand why she still so desperately wants to know that NOW. Ten long years have passed and this girl has been unable to lay this issue to rest.

Is this normal? Are other people capable of letting things go and just forgetting? My mother and grandmother still feel a tinge of sadness and shed a tear or two around the anniversary of my mom’s brother’s death every year, and he passed away probably around the same period of time as Warwick. This is something I don’t understand. The past is the past, and you need to let go and forget, moving on with your own life that has its own story to tell. Perhaps this makes me hard-headed or stubborn or uncaring, but it is the truth.

That is the way I look at these types of things. I let go. Why don’t others?

Unfortunately as it turns out, I am not the person who is going to be able to help her in her quest as I really don’t have any information to give her. I have long since forgotten those years and the events that unfolded in them, so I can only hope that she somehow locates someone else who might have that information that she is so desperately seeking.

I hope you find the answers to your questions and that you can finally find the peace of mind that you are so looking for, because then maybe you will be able to let go… Good luck!

About Craig Lotter

South African software architect and developer at Touchwork. Husband to a cupcake baker and father to two little girls. I don't have time for myself any more.