A man took his Rottweiler to the vet.
“My dog is cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him?”
“Well,” said the vet, “let’s have a look at him then”, picking up the dog, first carefully examining his eyes, followed by a check on the dog’s teeth.
Finally he said, “I’m going to have to put him down.”
“What?!” exclaimed the man. “Because he’s cross-eyed?!?”
“No. Because he is really, really heavy.”
A fireman is polishing his fire engine outside the fire station when he notices a young girl coming down the street in a little red cart with little ladders hung on the side and a garden hose tightly coiled in the middle. She is wearing a fireman’s helmet and has the cart tied to both a dog and a cat.
Playing the part, the fireman walks over to take a closer look.
“That’s a lovely fire engine,” he says admiringly.
“Thank you sir,” replies the little girl.
The fireman takes a closer look and happens to notice that the little girl has tied one of the cart’s strings to the dog’s collar and the other to the cat’s testicles.
“Little colleague,” says the fireman, “I don’t want to tell you how to run your fire engine, but if you were to tie that rope around the cat’s collar, I think you could probably go a lot faster.”
The little girl pauses for a moment, looks at the wagon, at the dog and at the cat, then shyly looks into the fireman’s eyes and says, “You’re probably right, but then I wouldn’t have a siren, now would I?”
You might laugh at this one, but a lot of cities do have ordnances in place that forces people to pick up after their dogs or face rather stiff penalties – though one is left to wonder just who is responsible for all that illegal dumping left behind by strays then…
Final note, Judge Dredd is awesome. If you haven’t picked it up, do yourself a favour and grab a copy of either Judge Dredd Megazine or 2000AD – the absolute best in British black humour comics. (Though I kind of miss the fully painted strip days. Computer colouring just doesn’t carry the same sort of charm with it).
Oh, and if you are feeling a little lost, here’s the info link creep: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Judge_Dredd
I was shocked to my core on Saturday evening when Chantelle and I finally found parking at Kirstenbosch for the Carols by Candlelight celebration that was about to take place – not at the fact revolving around just how easy it had been in to find parking for a change, but rather at this oldish white woman and her daughter (probably in her late twenties) that had just locked up their car, scooped their picnic basket up and departed, completely oblivious to the frantically barking dog they had just left behind.
Chantelle and I couldn’t believe what we were seeing. Here was one of those little white fluffy lapdogs, locked up in a car with no open windows (well, it didn’t look like there were any open), left to unhappily bark away as its owners happily attended the Kirstenbosch event that would go on for well over an hour and half, not taking into account the long wait time spent waiting for it to start, seeing as everyone had been urged to get there early in order to find sitting space before things got underway.
Sure it wasn’t hot as the sun was steadily beginning to set and they were parked under some big shady trees, but c’mon, who does that sort of thing? Surely it would have been more humane just to leave the poor animal behind at home?
But no, this heartless ‘animal lover’ decided that it was in the dog’s best interest to accompany them to the concert and stay behind in the car – because obviously that’s the best thing to do, right?
Anyway, all I can hope is that the dog did eventually stop barking, peed and pooped all over its owners seats and then settled down to gnaw the seat covers off.
Well, I can hope can’t I? :(