Tag Archives: drunk

Joke Factory: The Drunk, the mirror, the plasters Jokes & other Funny Stuff 10 NOV 2012

David staggered home very late after another evening out with his drinking buddy, Paddy.

Taking off his shoes so as not to wake his wife, Dave tiptoed as quietly as he could toward the stairs leading to their upstairs bedroom, but misjudged the bottom step. As he caught himself by grabbing the banister, his body swung around and he landed heavily on his rump, breaking the remaining liquor bottles that he had brought with him in the process!

Managing not to yell, David sprung up, pulled down his pants, and looked in the hall mirror to see that his butt cheeks were cut and bleeding thanks to all the glass from the broken bottles. Managing to quietly find a full box of Band-Aids in the bathroom, he returned to the hall mirror and began putting a Band-Aid as best he could wherever he spotted blood.

Finally done, he then hid the now almost empty box and stumbled the rest of his way up to the room, slinking into the end of the bed without waking Kathy.

Come morning, David wakes up with a heavy head and a searing pain in his butt, and more disturbingly, a visibly annoyed Kathleen staring at him from across the room.

Not mincing her words, she said, “You were drunk again last night weren’t you?”

To which Dave could only reply, ” Now why you say such a mean and untrue thing?”

“Well,” Kathleen said, “it could be the open front door, it could be the broken glass at the bottom of the stairs, it could be the drops of blood trailing through the house, it could be your bloodshot eyes, but mostly… it’s all those Band-Aids stuck on the hall mirror!”

Joke Factory: The Ball Squeeze Jokes & other Funny Stuff 02 DEC 2011

A drunk gets up from the bar and heads for the bathroom. A few minutes later, a loud, blood-curdling scream is heard coming from the bathroom.

A few minutes after that, another loud scream reverberates through the bar.

The bartender goes into the bathroom to investigate what the drunk is screaming about.

“What’s all the screaming about in there? You’re scaring my customers!”

“I’m just sitting here on the toilet and every time I try to flush, something comes up and squeezes the hell out of my balls.”

With that, the bartender opens the door, looks in and says, “You bloody idiot! You’re sitting on the mop bucket!!”

Joke: Deaf Drunk Jokes & other Funny Stuff 28 JAN 2011

After following an erratically driving man for some time, the cop eventually manages to pull him over.

“So,” says the cop to the driver, where have ya been?”

“Why, I’ve been to the pub of course,” slurs the drunk.

“Well,” says the cop, “it looks like you’ve had quite a few to drink this evening.”

“I did all right,” the drunk says with a smile.

“Did you know,” says the cop, standing straight and folding his arms across his chest, “that a few intersections back, your wife fell out of your car?”

“Oh, thank heavens,” sighs the drunk.

“For a minute there, I thought I’d gone deaf.”

The House of C 003: Hulk Smashed! The House of C 21 DEC 2009

“Hulk smash” is the classic line uttered by the fearsome greensome, and so it makes for the perfect comic fodder if we extend it just that little bit extra by throwing on an additional ‘ed’ at the end of it.

After all, it really can’t be a good idea to mix a psychopathic monster with loads of alcohol now can it?

Anyway, the digital pencils on this one really are all over the place. Not great, I’ll give you that, but I did have fun when I did it way back when. A good example if you keep coming back as to just how much my digital pencils keep improving! :P

(And comedy routine for that matter!)