Wondering just how many sheep he currently has grazing in his field, the farmer asks his sheepdog to go out and count them.
The dog runs into the field, counts them, and then runs back to his master.
“So,” asks the farmer, “How many sheep are there?”
“40,” replies the dog.
“What? How can there be 40?!” exclaims the farmer. “I only bought 38!”
“I know,” says the dog. “But I rounded them up.”
A farmer goes to a livestock dealer and buys an anvil, a bucket, two chickens, and a goose. The farmer looks at his varied purchases and exclaims, “Damn it, I WALKED here. How in the world am I going carry all of this home?!?”
The livestock dealer replied, “Why don’t you put the anvil in the bucket, carry the bucket in one hand, put a chicken under each arm and carry the goose in your other hand?”
“Hey, thanks!” the farmer said, and off he went.
As he was walking down the road towards his home, he meets a little old lady who tells him that she is lost. She asks, “Can you tell me how to get to 1515 Mockingbird Lane?”
The farmer thinks for a bit and says, “Well, as a matter of fact, I live just down the road from there. Let’s take my short cut and go down this alley. We’ll be there in no time.”
To this the little old lady replied, “I am a lonely widow without a husband to defend me. How do I know that when we get in the alley you won’t hold me up against the wall, pull up my skirt, and ravish me?”
The farmer said, “Holy smokes lady! I am carrying a bucket, an anvil, two chickens, and a goose. How in the world could I possibly hold you up against the wall and do that?!?”
“Well, you could set the goose down, cover him with the bucket, put the anvil on top of the bucket… and I’ll hold the chickens.”
A Department of Water Resource representative stops at a Free State farm and talks with the old farmer.
He tells the farmer, “I need to inspect your farm for the water allocation”.
The grizzled farmer replies, “Okay, no problem, but don’t go into that field over there”.
Hearing this, the government employee sucks in his breath sharply and retorts in a huff, “Sir, I have the full Authority of the Government with me. See this ID card?”
“This card means I am allowed to go WHEREVER I WISH on ANY agricultural land! No questions asked or answered. Do you understand?”
The old farmer nods politely and goes about his chores.
Shortly, thereafter he hears blood-curdling loud screams and sees the government employee running for his life, followed close behind by his large prize bull, who is gaining with each and every step.
Seeing that the man is clearly terrified, and is screaming for help after all, the old farmer hastily throws down his tools, runs to the fence and yells at the top of his lungs…..
“YOUR CARD!! SHOW HIM YOUR CARD!”