Tag Archives: irish joke

Joke Factory: A Good Toast Jokes & other Funny Stuff 22 MAR 2013

John O’Reilly hoisted his beer and said out loud, “Here’s to spending the rest of me life between the legs of me wife!”

Naturally, that won him the top prize for the best toast of the night.

Later that night, John got home and mentioned to his wife, “Guess what, I won the prize for the best toast of the night!”

“Oh? So what was your toast then?” she asked.

“Well,” I told the boys, “Here’s to spending the rest of me life sitting in church beside me wife.”

“Oh, very nice, very nice. A worthy win indeed then my dear John,” exclaimed Mary.

The next day, Mary ran into one of John’s toasting buddies on the street corner. The man chuckled leeringly and said, “John won the prize the other night you know, with a toast about you, Mary.”

She replied, “Aye and I was a wee bit surprised myself! You know, he’s only been there twice. Once he fell asleep, and the other time I had to pull him by the ears to make him come!”.

Joke: Until Death do Us Part Jokes & other Funny Stuff 04 FEB 2011

Mary Clancy goes up to Father O’ Grady after his Sunday morning service, and she is in tears.

He says, “So what’s bothering you, Mary my dear?”

She replies, “Oh, Father, I’ve got terrible news. My husband passed away last night.”

Without hesitation, the priest says, “Oh, Mary, that’s terrible. Tell me, Mary, did he have any last requests?”

“That he did, Father.”, Mary manages to get out.

“Well, what did he ask, Mary?” asked the priest kindly.

She sniffs. “He said, ‘Please Mary, put down that damn gun…'”

Joke: Death by Drinking Jokes & other Funny Stuff 21 JAN 2011

Brenda O’Malley is home making dinner, as per usual, when Tim Finnegan arrives at her door.

“Brenda, may I come in?” he asks. “I’ve somethin’ to tell ya”.

“Of course you can come in, you’re always welcome, Tim. But where’s my husband?”

“That’s what I’m here to be telling ya, Brenda. There was an accident down at the Guinness brewery….”

“Oh, God no!” cries Brenda. “Please don’t tell me.”

“I must, Brenda. Your husband Shamus is dead and gone. I’m sorry.”

Finally, she looked up at Tim. “How did it happen, Tim?”

“It was terrible, Brenda. He fell into a vat Of Guinness Stout and drowned.”

“Oh my dear Jesus! But you must tell me the truth, Tim… Did he at least go quickly?”

“Well, Brenda… No. In fact, he got out three times to pee.”

Joke: Breast Fight Jokes & other Funny Stuff 07 JAN 2011

Into a Belfast pub comes Paddy Murphy, looking like he’d just been run over by a train. His arm is in a sling, his nose is broken, his face is cut and bruised and he’s walking with a limp.

“What happened to you?” asks Sean, the bartender.

“Jamie O’Conner and me had a fight,” says Paddy.

“That little shit, O’Conner,” says Sean, “He couldn’t do that to you, he must have had something in his hand.”

“That he did,” replies Paddy, “a shovel is what he had, and a terrible lickin’ he gave me with it.”

“Well,” says Sean, “you should have defended yourself – didn’t you have something in your hand?”

“That I did,” said Paddy.

“Mrs. O’Conner’s breast, and a thing of beauty it was, but absolutely useless in a fight.”