Tag Archives: lol

Joke Factory: How to Stop Snoring

By the time a Marine finally pulled into a little town, every hotel room was already taken.

“You’ve got to have a room somewhere,” he pleaded. “Or just a bed, I don’t care where.”

“Well, I do have a double room with one occupant, a Navy guy,” admitted the manager, “and he might be glad to split the cost. But truth be told, he snores so loudly that people in adjoining rooms have complained in the past, so I’m not sure it’d be entirely worth it to you.”

“No problem,” the tired Marine assured him. “I’ll take it.”

The next morning the Marine came down to breakfast, bright-eyed and bushy-tailed.

“So, how did you sleep?” asked the curious manager.

“Never better,” replied the Marine.

The manager was impressed. “No problem with the other guy snoring, then?”

“Nope, I shut him up in no time,” said the Marine.

“Seriously? Now how on Earth did you manage that?” asked the manager.

“He was already in bed, happily snoring away, when I entered the room,” the Marine explained. “I went over, gave him a kiss on the cheek, and whispered, ‘Goodnight, beautiful’ – and with that, he sat up all night watching me!”

Joke Factory: Putting a Dog Down

A man took his Rottweiler to the vet.

“My dog is cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him?”

“Well,” said the vet, “let’s have a look at him then”, picking up the dog, first carefully examining his eyes, followed by a check on the dog’s teeth.

Finally he said, “I’m going to have to put him down.”

“What?!” exclaimed the man. “Because he’s cross-eyed?!?”

“No. Because he is really, really heavy.”

Poles versus Pole Dancing (aka Pole Dancing Fails)

Pole dancing seems to have really taken off, though I’m not quite sure just why everyone seems to be filming themselves whilst doing it.

Nevertheless, this activity requires strength, focus, flexibility, balance… and a pretty damn sturdy pole.

Which none of the below seem to have.

Ouch. There isn’t really all that much to say after seeing these rather bruising pole versus pole dancers. Just a note though. The girl fight scene isn’t authentic – was a setup for a Belgian prank show or something like that according to the comments…

Joke Factory: What Game are You Playing?

A newbie muffed his tee shot into the woods. From there, he then proceeded to hit the ball into a couple of trees, before managing to smack it across the fairway and into a clump of trees on the other side. Finally, after banging away several more times, he proceeded to hit the ball back on track, but this time it landed straight in the middle of a sand trap close to the green.

Making his way to the sand trap, he noticed that the Club Pro had been standing and watching his progress for a fair while now. Walking up to him, the newbie asked, “What club do you reckon I should use now?”

“I don’t know,” replied the Pro. “What game are you playing?”

Joke Factory: Hairy Pussy Cat

A sexually frustrated wife buys a pair of crotchless panties in an attempt to reignite the spark that will hopefully resurrect her long dead sex life.

Arriving back home, she tries them on under a short skirt and then heads down to the lounge where she sits down on the sofa opposite her husband, who is busy reading the evening newspaper.

Every now and then, at strategic moments, she uncrosses her legs, eventually leading to her husband looking up, raising his eyebrow, and asking quizzically, “Are you wearing crotchless panties my dear?”

Smiling, she seductively half-whispers, “Yes – why does it turn you on?”

“Whew,” replied the husband. “For a minute there I thought you’d been sitting on top of the cat for the last twenty minutes!”

According to the coroner, he never heard the gunshot.

Joke Factory: The Usefulness of Tees

A golfer is on his way to Sun City to play in the annual golf tournament there. Passing through some pretty rural terrain, he is brought to a grinding halt when his BMW suffers a flat tire on one of the rear wheels.

As he is busy changing the tire, a local comes across the scene and notices the two tees that has fallen out of the golfer’s pocket as he worked on the wheel.

Curious, the local asks the golfer what they are.

“Oh those?” the golfer replied. “They’re called tees and they are for resting my balls on when I drive.”

“Bliksem!” exclaimed the local. “Those guys at BMW think of everything!”

Joke Factory: Correcting My Stance

“I’m not so sure about the new Pro that the club hired,” said Peter. “He seems a little… strange.”

“Oh, why do you think that?” asked Fred.

“Well, he just tried to correct my stance again.”

“So?” said Fred. “You know he is just trying to help your game.”

“Yeah I know,” replied Peter, “but I was standing at the urinal at the time!”

Joke Factory: Cutting Down on Sexy Time

George is not having a good day on the golf course. None of his drives are going straight, his putting is horrendous, and to be honest, he just wasn’t being himself.

So the rest of his usual four-ball gathered around him and asked if something was up.

“It’s the wife,” said George. “As you all know, she’s taken up golf, and since she’s begun playing, she’s completely cut my sexy time down to only once a week!”

“That’s not so bad,” chirped up one of the guys from the four-ball. “Consider yourself lucky – she’s cut some of us out altogether!”

Joke Factory: A Different Vacation Experience this time around

Paddy walked into his travel agent’s office. “Brian, I’ve thoroughly enjoyed my annual vacation getaways over these last three years, but this year I want to do something completely different”.

“Well Paddy, what do you mean by that?” asked a startled Brian.

“Three years ago, I thoroughly enjoyed the trip to the Bahamas. But on the return, we found out that my wife Victoria was pregnant. Good news for sure. Then two years ago, the trip to Hawaii was just as fantastic, but come to the end and Victoria was pregnant once again! And as you very well know, last year the trip to Mauritius was a right old success, but would you believe it, on the return we found out that Victoria was once again expecting!”

“Well, that’s a fantastic tale Paddy, but it still doesn’t tell me what you want to do differently for this year’s annual vacation?” replied Brian.

“That’s the thing Brian. This year I’m thinking of taking my wife Victoria along with me on holiday for a change!”