Tag Archives: photographer

Joke Factory: Photographing a Ghost Jokes & other Funny Stuff 18 MAY 2012

There was this haunted house on the outskirts of the town which was avoided by all the townsfolk – the ghost which haunted there was feared by all.

However, an enterprising journalist decided to get the scoop of the day by photographing the fearsome phantom. When he entered the house, armed with only his camera, the ghost descended upon him, clanking chains et al.

He told the ghost “I mean no harm – I just want your photograph”. Much to his surprise, the ghost was quite happy at this chance to make the headlines – so much so that he posed for a number of ghostly shots.

The happy journalist rushed back to his dark room, and began developing the photos. Unfortunately, they turned out to be black and underexposed.

As it turned out, the spirit was willing but the flash was weak.

Joke Factory: Sex and the Photographer Jokes & other Funny Stuff 16 MAR 2012

The Smiths were unable to conceive children and so made the tough decision to use a surrogate father to start their family, but that it would be done the good old fashioned way, with no test tubes or needles in sight.

On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife good-bye and said, “Well, I’m off now. The man should be here soon.”

Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer rung the doorbell, hoping to make a sale.

“Good morning, Ma’am”, he said, “I’ve come to…”

“Oh, no need to explain,” Mrs. Smith cut in, embarrassed. “I’ve been expecting you.”

“Have you really?” said the photographer. “Well, that’s good. Did you know babies are my specialty?”

“Well that’s what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a seat.”

After a moment she asked, blushing, “Well, where do we start?”

“Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the couch, and perhaps a couple on the bed. And sometimes the living room floor is fun. You can really spread out there.”

“Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn’t work out for Harry and me!”

“Well, Ma’am, none of us can guarantee a good one every time. But if we try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven angles, I’m sure you’ll be pleased with the results.”

“My, that’s a lot!” gasped Mrs. Smith.

“Ma’am, in my line of work a man has to take his time. I’d love to be in and out in five minutes, but I’m sure you’d be disappointed with that.”

“Don’t I know it,” said Mrs. Smith quietly.

The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his baby pictures. “This was done on the top of a bus,” he said.

“Oh my God!” Mrs. Smith exclaimed, grasping at her throat.

“And these twins turned out exceptionally well – when you consider her mother was so difficult to work with.”

“She was difficult?” asked Mrs. Smith.

“Yes, I’m afraid so. I finally had to take her to the park to get the job done right. People were crowding around four and five deep to get a good look.”

“Four and five deep?” said Mrs. Smith, her eyes wide with amazement.

“Yes”, the photographer replied, “and for more than three hours, too. The mother was constantly squealing and yelling – I could hardly concentrate, and when darkness approached I had to rush my shots. Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just had to pack it all in.”

Mrs. Smith leaned forward. “Do you mean they actually chewed on your, um… equipment?”

“It’s true, Ma’am, yes. Well, if you’re ready, I’ll set-up my tripod and we can get to work right away.”

“Tripod?”

“Oh yes, Ma’am. I need to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It’s much too big to be held in the hand for very long.”

At this point she fainted.

A Picturesque Wedding My Life 10 DEC 2009

So if you’re friends with Chantelle on Facebook, you’ll know that we received our wedding photos and DVD last Friday already – and man did they come out beautifully a proud husband must say! :)

We’ve already shown them to both sets of  the parentals (lunch with the Monty’s on Sunday, supper with the Lotters on Wednesday), a couple of friends over the weekend, and come tonight, Peter and Gail who just happen to be visiting down from Bloemfontein this weekend. Needless to say, we’ve still got quite a few viewings lined up for the immediate future – meaning of course that for a person with my short attention span, I’m pretty tired at looking at them already! :P

But jokes aside, I’m amazed at the photos that Gilliam and Irma managed to capture. First off, you would never believe just how dark the chapel was in real life after seeing these photos, and secondly they have managed to capture the spirit, beauty and elegance of the wedding absolutely perfectly. The photos have come out absolutely gorgeous and its proving to be pretty damn tough picking out only 150 from the well over 600 we received in order to compile our printed story book!

The DVD itself was a little rushed in order to get it out to Chantelle in time for her birthday weekend, so we’ve raised some issues with it and Gilliam is busy fixing it up for us now as we speak, but outside of these one or two minor omissions the recordings came out really, really nice. I must say, I was thrilled to see just how smoothly everything ran, the little accidents, the little laughs, the speeches and the dancing all captured for eternity, and the only comprehensible phrase I’m left with is simply put:

This is awesome.

My woman looked spectacularly beautiful, like a Greek Goddess in fact, the bridesmaids sparkled, the best men appeared dapper and spoke like gifted orators, and the night was indeed one big party, despite the howling wind and rain that battered the doors outside.

And it was all captured perfectly. Forever.

Like I said, that’s just plain awesome. :)

craig-and-chantelle-lotter-kissing-on-their-wedding

Of course, I’ll still get around to posting some pictures of the wedding and subsequent honeymoon up here on the blog, but in the meantime, you can check out the photos that Chantelle uploaded to her Facebook photo album!

craig-kissing-chantelle's-ring