Tag Archives: plasters

Joke Factory: The Drunk, the mirror, the plasters Jokes & other Funny Stuff 10 NOV 2012

David staggered home very late after another evening out with his drinking buddy, Paddy.

Taking off his shoes so as not to wake his wife, Dave tiptoed as quietly as he could toward the stairs leading to their upstairs bedroom, but misjudged the bottom step. As he caught himself by grabbing the banister, his body swung around and he landed heavily on his rump, breaking the remaining liquor bottles that he had brought with him in the process!

Managing not to yell, David sprung up, pulled down his pants, and looked in the hall mirror to see that his butt cheeks were cut and bleeding thanks to all the glass from the broken bottles. Managing to quietly find a full box of Band-Aids in the bathroom, he returned to the hall mirror and began putting a Band-Aid as best he could wherever he spotted blood.

Finally done, he then hid the now almost empty box and stumbled the rest of his way up to the room, slinking into the end of the bed without waking Kathy.

Come morning, David wakes up with a heavy head and a searing pain in his butt, and more disturbingly, a visibly annoyed Kathleen staring at him from across the room.

Not mincing her words, she said, “You were drunk again last night weren’t you?”

To which Dave could only reply, ” Now why you say such a mean and untrue thing?”

“Well,” Kathleen said, “it could be the open front door, it could be the broken glass at the bottom of the stairs, it could be the drops of blood trailing through the house, it could be your bloodshot eyes, but mostly… it’s all those Band-Aids stuck on the hall mirror!”

Treading Painfully My Life 22 AUG 2010

Ouchie. Weird annoyance I’m sitting with at the moment. For those of you who know me, you know that I’m not the type to dress up very often – hell, I made my last couple of visits to the attorneys and financial planners in shorts and a t-shirt! So the one thing that I don’t do often is wear shoes – I find them restrictive and annoying and so generally go without them for most part of the day, even kicking them off at work when no one is looking! ;)

But this seems to have also been the root cause of my current pickle!

As I have now mentioned in these very pages, I enjoyed a great long weekend over at my Dad’s place in Pinnacle Point the other day. However, the house is one of those modern places with the painted concrete floors – interesting fact – walking about barefoot on them all day seems to have caused the appearance of two large, identical cracks situated on the balls of my feet, running between the two small toes at the ends of each foot!

These two cracks make it seriously painful to walk around on, and if it wasn’t for Chantelle’s great thinking of placing those awesome “winged” plasters over the bottoms of my feet, I would still be hobbling around with a grimace permanently stuck on my face!

Oh, and if you do have these gigantic craters running down the balls of your feet, allow me to advise you that it is not the best idea to attempt karate practice if you are not all plastered up – tried that on Monday after thinking that they had healed and all that happened was that they opened right up again with all that spinning around! Ouchie.

And while I’m on the subject of karate practice, I was amused to find the cause of the discomfort in my right eye on my return home on Wednesday night after an enjoyable session with Sensei Birgitt and the rest of the dojo.

We had started the evening off with some light kumite for the first 30 minutes or so, and somewhere in between someone must have caught me in the eye with a punch – because when I eventually took my contact lens out of my eye to see what was wrong, I discovered a huge chunk had been ripped clean out of it!

Turns out that a mitt glancing your eye will do enough to drag the lens along with it, tearing it off should any part of the lens decide its going to try and hang tough and cling for its life to your eyeball.

Sigh, and here I was doing so well in managing my contact lens supply up to now…