Tag Archives: toast

Joke Factory: A Good Toast Jokes & other Funny Stuff 22 MAR 2013

John O’Reilly hoisted his beer and said out loud, “Here’s to spending the rest of me life between the legs of me wife!”

Naturally, that won him the top prize for the best toast of the night.

Later that night, John got home and mentioned to his wife, “Guess what, I won the prize for the best toast of the night!”

“Oh? So what was your toast then?” she asked.

“Well,” I told the boys, “Here’s to spending the rest of me life sitting in church beside me wife.”

“Oh, very nice, very nice. A worthy win indeed then my dear John,” exclaimed Mary.

The next day, Mary ran into one of John’s toasting buddies on the street corner. The man chuckled leeringly and said, “John won the prize the other night you know, with a toast about you, Mary.”

She replied, “Aye and I was a wee bit surprised myself! You know, he’s only been there twice. Once he fell asleep, and the other time I had to pull him by the ears to make him come!”.

For the Love of Toast! My Life 28 JAN 2010

So there I was, standing in the kitchen, two fresh slices of white bread in my hand, the Stork margarine out on the counter, the grated cheese standing at the ready and the ham lying lovingly covered by a small piece of plastic (in a very tasteful pose)…

…when I realised I couldn’t find the toaster anywhere on the counter.

“What!?”, I loudly exclaimed, looking all around me in a quick fit of panic. “Chantelle, where’s the toaster!?”, I cried out in anguish.

“We gave it away like two months ago already silly. Did you forget again?”, came the sniggering reply.

Damn you Woolworths in Somerset Mall for not stocking our desired four piece toaster that every other branch around the Cape seems to have sitting on their shelves!

If you don’t do something about putting it on your shelves immediately, we’re going to be forced to look elsewhere for something else – all of which means my ham is going to go unloved for that much longer.

And that my friends, is simply not acceptable! :(

Oh Bovril! My Life 17 JUL 2008

Craig OlympusOlympus has an extremely cute but annoying way of eating off his mom and dad’s plates. Instead of just standing along the side and licking the inside out, our little boy gets right stuck into thing and walks across the entire plate to make sure that he doesn’t miss a single crumb.

As you can well imagine, this can lead to some rather sticky but funny messes, like yesterday’s ‘Bovril Incident’.

A nice lunch consisting of two pieces of toast, the one with Bovril and the other with my perennial favourite of ham, jam and cheese, all while watching a bit of anime on the computer, and one sneaky vulture hanging around the fringes as he always does when he suspects that we might be eating food without him.

My last bite of toast done, the vulture leapt onboard and proceeded to lick the plate as clean as a whistle, apart from the big patch of Bovril which he had managed to firmly tramp in. And of course, the minute everything was gone, off he stepped and proceeded to waddle around my desk and keyboard, leaving cute little Bovril footprints over everything!

Needless to say, daddy was less than happy and immediately picked up the offending miscreant and led him to mom who was off sick for the day, showed her the evidence and then proceeded to stick said kitten paws first in the handy bucket of rainwater in the middle of our room.

Needless to say, neither Olympus nor Chantelle were mightily impressed, but I thought it did the job nicely! :)