Tag Archives: unfaithful

Joke Factory: That’s One Way to Secure the Votes Jokes & other Funny Stuff 03 FEB 2012

An elderly couple was having dinner one evening when the husband reached across the table, took his wife’s hand in his and said, “Emma, soon we will be married 50 years, and there’s something I have to know. In all of these 50 years, have you ever been unfaithful to me?”

Emma replied, “Well Herman, I have to be honest with you too dear. Yes, I’ve been unfaithful to you three times during these 50 years, but always for a good reason.”

Hurt by his wife’s sudden and unexpected confession, Herman managed to stay composed and said, “I never suspected a thing. Could you perhaps please tell me just what you mean by ‘good reason’?”

Emma said, “The first time was shortly after we were married, and we were about to lose our little house because we couldn’t pay the mortgage. Do you remember that one evening I went to see the banker and the next day he notified you that the loan would be extended?”

Herman recalled the visit to the banker and said, “Oh. But I can forgive you for that my dear, after all, you saved our home. And the second time?”

Emma asked, “Do you remember when you were so sick and we didn’t have the money to pay for the heart surgery you needed? Well, I went to see your doctor one night and, if you recall, he did the surgery at no charge.”

“I recall that,” replied Herman tearfully, “And again you did it to save my life, so of course I can forgive you for that. Now tell me about the third time.”

“All right,” Emma said. “So do you remember when you ran for president of the synagogue, and you needed 73 more votes to win?”

When Last Have You Looked her in the Eyes? Jokes & other Funny Stuff 19 DEC 2009

woman-peering-in-through-windowSo another funny from Monty, my perennial source of inbox giggles:

A psychologist was in the middle of a session with his patient when he asked the question: “When last have you looked your wife in the face during sex?”

The man quickly replied, “Only once that I can think of, but I must admit, she looked damn right angry and annoyed!”

“Oh, how so?” asked the psychologist.

“Well, she was peering in through the window at that point…”

And that wraps things up once and for all My Life 02 MAY 2007

Interesting SMS conversation I had with my ex a moment ago. It goes something like this: (Note that this is after I assumed we have already finalised the break-up. I haven’t talked to her in ages and things have all settled down nicely already – well at least I know that I’ve closed the book on her and moved on with my life already. Oh well, guess she was just biding her time to do the same :P)

Hi Craig. How are you? What have u been up to lately? How’s the dating going? Liz

To which I dutifully replied, answering all her questions. Ended it off by asking if she was going to karate practice tonight (She and I train under the same sensei at the same club). To which she replied:

Dating is going very well. I’m seeing someone at the moment and I’m loving every moment of it. I really like this guy. He could very well be the one. I actually just wanted to let you know that I won’t be waiting for you anymore. I’ve moved on. Also I can’t really contact or see you much anymore for obvious reasons. I won’t be coming back to karate. I just can’t. Going to focus on my rugby now. Enjoy your day and I hope things work out for you in the end.

To which I dutifully wished her well for the rest of her life.

I must admit to being a little amused by what she said, particularly the ‘wanted to let you know that I won’t be waiting for you anymore’ bit. I’m not sure she quite understood the fact that I dumped her for being unfaithful to me. – There really wasn’t any expectation from me for her to be waiting for me O.o? Actually, I have no idea what the heck she was waiting for me to do in any event :)

Oh well, at least with her dropping karate entirely means I can finally say that this chapter of my life is now all neatly wrapped up and disposed of.

And it means the not entirely true reflections of my feelings post {0031} no longer stands either :)

romance break up - girl looking perplexed during a hug